Act I
Scene I
Enter Valentine and Proteus.
VALENTINECease to persuade, my loving Proteus.
Home-keeping youth have ever homely wits.
Were’t not affection chains thy tender days
To the sweet glances of thy honoured love,
I rather would entreat thy company
To see the wonders of the world abroad
Than, living dully sluggardized at home,
Wear out thy youth with shapeless idleness.
But since thou lov’st, love still, and thrive therein,
Even as I would when I to love begin.
PROTEUSWilt thou be gone? Sweet Valentine, adieu.
Think on thy Proteus when thou haply seest
Some rare noteworthy object in thy travel.
Wish me partaker in thy happiness
When thou dost meet good hap; and in thy danger,
If ever danger do environ thee,
Commend thy grievance to my holy prayers,
For I will be thy headsman, Valentine.
VALENTINEAnd on a love-book pray for my success?
PROTEUSUpon some book I love I’ll pray for thee.
VALENTINEThat’s on some shallow story of deep love,
How young Leander crossed the Hellespont.
PROTEUSThat’s a deep story of a deeper love,
For he was more than over shoes in love.
VALENTINE’Tis true; for you are over boots in love,
And yet you never swam the Hellespont.
PROTEUSOver the boots? Nay, give me not the boots.
VALENTINENo, I will not, for it boots thee not.
PROTEUSWhat?
VALENTINETo be in love, where scorn is bought with groans,
Coy looks with heart-sore sighs, one fading moment’s mirth
With twenty watchful, weary, tedious nights.
If haply won, perhaps a hapless gain;
If lost, why then a grievous labour won;
However, but a folly bought with wit,
Or else a wit by folly vanquished.
PROTEUSSo, by your circumstance, you call me fool.
VALENTINESo, by your circumstance, I fear you’ll prove.
PROTEUS’Tis love you cavil at. I am not Love.
VALENTINELove is your master, for he masters you;
And he that is so yoked by a fool
Methinks should not be chronicled for wise.
PROTEUSYet writers say, as in the sweetest bud
The eating canker dwells, so eating love
Inhabits in the finest wits of all.
VALENTINEAnd writers say, as the most forward bud
Is eaten by the canker ere it blow,
Even so by love the young and tender wit
Is turned to folly, blasting in the bud,
Losing his verdure even in the prime,
And all the fair effects of future hopes.
But wherefore waste I time to counsel thee
That art a votary to fond desire?
Once more adieu. My father at the road
Expects my coming, there to see me shipped.
PROTEUSAnd thither will I bring thee, Valentine.
VALENTINESweet Proteus, no. Now let us take our leave.
To Milan let me hear from thee by letters
Of thy success in love, and what news else
Betideth here in absence of thy friend;
And I likewise will visit thee with mine.
PROTEUSAll happiness bechance to thee in Milan.
VALENTINEAs much to you at home, and so farewell.
Exit.
PROTEUSHe after honour hunts, I after love.
He leaves his friends to dignify them more;
I leave myself, my friends, and all for love.
Thou, Julia, thou hast metamorphosed me,
Made me neglect my studies, lose my time,
War with good counsel, set the world at nought;
Made wit with musing weak, heart sick with thought.
Enter Speed.
SPEEDSir Proteus, ’save you. Saw you my master?
PROTEUSBut now he parted hence to embark for Milan.
SPEEDTwenty to one, then, he is shipped already,
And I have played the sheep in losing him.
PROTEUSIndeed a sheep doth very often stray,
An if the shepherd be a while away.
SPEEDYou conclude that my master is a shepherd then, and I a sheep?
PROTEUSI do.
SPEEDWhy then, my horns are his horns, whether I wake or sleep.
PROTEUSA silly answer, and fitting well a sheep.
SPEEDThis proves me still a sheep.
PROTEUSTrue, and thy master a shepherd.
SPEEDNay, that I can deny by a circumstance.
PROTEUSIt shall go hard but I’ll prove it by another.
SPEEDThe shepherd seeks the sheep, and not the sheep the shepherd; but I
seek my master, and my master seeks not me. Therefore I am no sheep.
PROTEUSThe sheep for fodder follow the shepherd; the shepherd for food follows
not the sheep. Thou for wages followest thy master; thy master for
wages follows not thee. Therefore thou art a sheep.
SPEEDSuch another proof will make me cry “baa”.
PROTEUSBut dost thou hear? Gav’st thou my letter to Julia?
SPEEDAy, sir. I, a lost mutton, gave your letter to her, a laced mutton, and
she, a laced mutton, gave me, a lost mutton, nothing for my labour.
PROTEUSHere’s too small a pasture for such store of muttons.
SPEEDIf the ground be overcharged, you were best stick her.
PROTEUSNay, in that you are astray; ’twere best pound you.
SPEEDNay, sir, less than a pound shall serve me for carrying your letter.
PROTEUSYou mistake; I mean the pound, a pinfold.
SPEEDFrom a pound to a pin? Fold it over and over,
’Tis threefold too little for carrying a letter to your lover.
PROTEUSBut what said she?
SPEED[_Nods his head_.] Ay.
PROTEUSNod—“Ay”. Why, that’s “noddy”.
SPEEDYou mistook, sir. I say she did nod, and you ask me if she did nod; and
I say “Ay”.
PROTEUSAnd that set together is “noddy”.
SPEEDNow you have taken the pains to set it together, take it for your
pains.
PROTEUSNo, no, you shall have it for bearing the letter.
SPEEDWell, I perceive I must be fain to bear with you.
PROTEUSWhy, sir, how do you bear with me?
SPEEDMarry, sir, the letter, very orderly, having nothing but the word
“noddy” for my pains.
PROTEUSBeshrew me, but you have a quick wit.
SPEEDAnd yet it cannot overtake your slow purse.
PROTEUSCome, come, open the matter; in brief, what said she?
SPEEDOpen your purse, that the money and the matter may be both at once
delivered.
PROTEUS[_Giving him a coin_.] Well, sir, here is for your pains. What said
she?
SPEEDTruly, sir, I think you’ll hardly win her.
PROTEUSWhy? Couldst thou perceive so much from her?
SPEEDSir, I could perceive nothing at all from her; no, not so much as a
ducat for delivering your letter. And being so hard to me that brought
your mind, I fear she’ll prove as hard to you in telling your mind.
Give her no token but stones, for she’s as hard as steel.
PROTEUSWhat said she, nothing?
SPEEDNo, not so much as “Take this for thy pains.” To testify your bounty, I
thank you, you have testerned me; in requital whereof, henceforth carry
your letters yourself. And so, sir, I’ll commend you to my master.
PROTEUSGo, go, begone, to save your ship from wrack,
Which cannot perish having thee aboard,
Being destined to a drier death on shore.
Exit Speed.
Exit.
Scene II
Enter Julia and Lucetta.
JULIABut say, Lucetta, now we are alone,
Wouldst thou then counsel me to fall in love?
LUCETTAAy, madam, so you stumble not unheedfully.
JULIAOf all the fair resort of gentlemen
That every day with parle encounter me,
In thy opinion which is worthiest love?
LUCETTAPlease you, repeat their names, I’ll show my mind
According to my shallow simple skill.
JULIAWhat think’st thou of the fair Sir Eglamour?
LUCETTAAs of a knight well-spoken, neat, and fine;
But, were I you, he never should be mine.
JULIAWhat think’st thou of the rich Mercatio?
LUCETTAWell of his wealth; but of himself, so-so.
JULIAWhat think’st thou of the gentle Proteus?
LUCETTALord, Lord, to see what folly reigns in us!
JULIAHow now? What means this passion at his name?
LUCETTAPardon, dear madam, ’tis a passing shame
That I, unworthy body as I am,
Should censure thus on lovely gentlemen.
JULIAWhy not on Proteus, as of all the rest?
LUCETTAThen thus: of many good I think him best.
JULIAYour reason?
LUCETTAI have no other but a woman’s reason:
I think him so because I think him so.
JULIAAnd wouldst thou have me cast my love on him?
LUCETTAAy, if you thought your love not cast away.
JULIAWhy, he of all the rest hath never moved me.
LUCETTAYet he of all the rest I think best loves ye.
JULIAHis little speaking shows his love but small.
LUCETTAFire that’s closest kept burns most of all.
JULIAThey do not love that do not show their love.
LUCETTAO, they love least that let men know their love.
JULIAI would I knew his mind.
LUCETTAPeruse this paper, madam.
JULIA_To Julia_—Say, from whom?
LUCETTAThat the contents will show.
JULIASay, say, who gave it thee?
LUCETTASir Valentine’s page, and sent, I think, from Proteus.
He would have given it you, but I, being in the way,
Did in your name receive it. Pardon the fault, I pray.
JULIANow, by my modesty, a goodly broker!
Dare you presume to harbour wanton lines?
To whisper and conspire against my youth?
Now trust me, ’tis an office of great worth,
And you an officer fit for the place.
There, take the paper; see it be returned,
Or else return no more into my sight.
LUCETTATo plead for love deserves more fee than hate.
JULIAWill ye be gone?
LUCETTAThat you may ruminate.
Exit.
JULIAAnd yet I would I had o’erlooked the letter.
It were a shame to call her back again
And pray her to a fault for which I chid her.
What fool is she, that knows I am a maid
And would not force the letter to my view,
Since maids in modesty say “No” to that
Which they would have the profferer construe “Ay”.
Fie, fie, how wayward is this foolish love
That like a testy babe will scratch the nurse
And presently, all humbled, kiss the rod!
How churlishly I chid Lucetta hence,
When willingly I would have had her here!
How angerly I taught my brow to frown,
When inward joy enforced my heart to smile!
My penance is to call Lucetta back
And ask remission for my folly past.
What ho! Lucetta!
Enter Lucetta.
LUCETTAWhat would your ladyship?
JULIAIs ’t near dinner time?
LUCETTAI would it were,
That you might kill your stomach on your meat
And not upon your maid.
JULIAWhat is’t that you took up so gingerly?
LUCETTANothing.
JULIAWhy didst thou stoop, then?
LUCETTATo take a paper up that I let fall.
JULIAAnd is that paper nothing?
LUCETTANothing concerning me.
JULIAThen let it lie for those that it concerns.
LUCETTAMadam, it will not lie where it concerns,
Unless it have a false interpreter.
JULIASome love of yours hath writ to you in rhyme.
LUCETTAThat I might sing it, madam, to a tune.
Give me a note. Your ladyship can set—
JULIAAs little by such toys as may be possible.
Best sing it to the tune of “Light o’ Love”.
LUCETTAIt is too heavy for so light a tune.
JULIAHeavy? Belike it hath some burden then?
LUCETTAAy, and melodious were it, would you sing it.
JULIAAnd why not you?
LUCETTAI cannot reach so high.
JULIALet’s see your song. [_Taking the letter_.]
How now, minion!
LUCETTAKeep tune there still, so you will sing it out.
And yet methinks I do not like this tune.
JULIAYou do not?
LUCETTANo, madam, it is too sharp.
JULIAYou, minion, are too saucy.
LUCETTANay, now you are too flat
And mar the concord with too harsh a descant.
There wanteth but a mean to fill your song.
JULIAThe mean is drowned with your unruly bass.
LUCETTAIndeed, I bid the base for Proteus.
JULIAThis babble shall not henceforth trouble me.
Here is a coil with protestation! [_Tears the letter_.]
Go, get you gone, and let the papers lie.
You would be fingering them to anger me.
LUCETTAShe makes it strange, but she would be best pleased
To be so angered with another letter.
Exit.
JULIANay, would I were so angered with the same!
O hateful hands, to tear such loving words!
Injurious wasps, to feed on such sweet honey
And kill the bees that yield it with your stings!
I’ll kiss each several paper for amends.
Look, here is writ _kind Julia_. Unkind Julia!
As in revenge of thy ingratitude,
I throw thy name against the bruising stones,
Trampling contemptuously on thy disdain.
And here is writ _love-wounded Proteus_.
Poor wounded name, my bosom as a bed
Shall lodge thee till thy wound be throughly healed;
And thus I search it with a sovereign kiss.
But twice or thrice was _Proteus_ written down.
Be calm, good wind, blow not a word away
Till I have found each letter in the letter
Except mine own name. That some whirlwind bear
Unto a ragged, fearful, hanging rock,
And throw it thence into the raging sea.
Lo, here in one line is his name twice writ:
_Poor forlorn Proteus, passionate Proteus,
To the sweet Julia._ That I’ll tear away;
And yet I will not, sith so prettily
He couples it to his complaining names.
Thus will I fold them one upon another.
Now kiss, embrace, contend, do what you will.
Enter Lucetta.
LUCETTAMadam, dinner is ready, and your father stays.
JULIAWell, let us go.
LUCETTAWhat, shall these papers lie like tell-tales here?
JULIAIf you respect them, best to take them up.
LUCETTANay, I was taken up for laying them down.
Yet here they shall not lie, for catching cold.
JULIAI see you have a month’s mind to them.
LUCETTAAy, madam, you may say what sights you see;
I see things too, although you judge I wink.
JULIACome, come, will’t please you go?
Exeunt.
Scene III
Enter Antonio and Pantino.
ANTONIOTell me, Pantino, what sad talk was that
Wherewith my brother held you in the cloister?
PANTINO’Twas of his nephew Proteus, your son.
ANTONIOWhy, what of him?
PANTINOHe wondered that your lordship
Would suffer him to spend his youth at home
While other men, of slender reputation,
Put forth their sons to seek preferment out:
Some to the wars to try their fortune there;
Some to discover islands far away;
Some to the studious universities.
For any or for all these exercises
He said that Proteus your son was meet,
And did request me to importune you
To let him spend his time no more at home,
Which would be great impeachment to his age
In having known no travel in his youth.
ANTONIONor need’st thou much importune me to that
Whereon this month I have been hammering.
I have considered well his loss of time,
And how he cannot be a perfect man,
Not being tried and tutored in the world.
Experience is by industry achieved
And perfected by the swift course of time.
Then tell me whither were I best to send him?
PANTINOI think your lordship is not ignorant
How his companion, youthful Valentine,
Attends the Emperor in his royal court.
ANTONIOI know it well.
PANTINO’Twere good, I think, your lordship sent him thither.
There shall he practise tilts and tournaments,
Hear sweet discourse, converse with noblemen,
And be in eye of every exercise
Worthy his youth and nobleness of birth.
ANTONIOI like thy counsel; well hast thou advised,
And that thou mayst perceive how well I like it,
The execution of it shall make known.
Even with the speediest expedition
I will dispatch him to the Emperor’s court.
PANTINOTomorrow, may it please you, Don Alphonso
With other gentlemen of good esteem
Are journeying to salute the Emperor
And to commend their service to his will.
ANTONIOGood company. With them shall Proteus go.
Enter Proteus reading a letter.
PROTEUSSweet love, sweet lines, sweet life!
Here is her hand, the agent of her heart;
Here is her oath for love, her honour’s pawn.
O, that our fathers would applaud our loves
To seal our happiness with their consents.
O heavenly Julia!
ANTONIOHow now? What letter are you reading there?
PROTEUSMay’t please your lordship, ’tis a word or two
Of commendations sent from Valentine,
Delivered by a friend that came from him.
ANTONIOLend me the letter. Let me see what news.
PROTEUSThere is no news, my lord, but that he writes
How happily he lives, how well beloved
And daily graced by the Emperor,
Wishing me with him, partner of his fortune.
ANTONIOAnd how stand you affected to his wish?
PROTEUSAs one relying on your lordship’s will,
And not depending on his friendly wish.
ANTONIOMy will is something sorted with his wish.
Muse not that I thus suddenly proceed,
For what I will, I will, and there an end.
I am resolved that thou shalt spend some time
With Valentinus in the Emperor’s court.
What maintenance he from his friends receives,
Like exhibition thou shalt have from me.
Tomorrow be in readiness to go.
Excuse it not, for I am peremptory.
PROTEUSMy lord, I cannot be so soon provided;
Please you deliberate a day or two.
ANTONIOLook what thou want’st shall be sent after thee.
No more of stay. Tomorrow thou must go.
Come on, Pantino, you shall be employed
To hasten on his expedition.
Exeunt Antonio and Pantino.
PROTEUSThus have I shunned the fire for fear of burning
And drenched me in the sea, where I am drowned.
I feared to show my father Julia’s letter
Lest he should take exceptions to my love,
And with the vantage of mine own excuse
Hath he excepted most against my love.
O, how this spring of love resembleth
The uncertain glory of an April day,
Which now shows all the beauty of the sun,
And by an by a cloud takes all away.
Enter Pantino.
PANTINOSir Proteus, your father calls for you.
He is in haste. Therefore, I pray you, go.
PROTEUSWhy, this it is: my heart accords thereto,
And yet a thousand times it answers “No”.
Exeunt.
Act II
Scene I
Enter Valentine and Speed.
SPEEDSir, your glove.
VALENTINENot mine. My gloves are on.
SPEEDWhy, then, this may be yours, for this is but one.
VALENTINEHa? Let me see. Ay, give it me, it’s mine.
Sweet ornament that decks a thing divine!
Ah, Silvia, Silvia!
SPEED[_Calling_.] Madam Silvia! Madam Silvia!
VALENTINEHow now, sirrah?
SPEEDShe is not within hearing, sir.
VALENTINEWhy, sir, who bade you call her?
SPEEDYour worship, sir, or else I mistook.
VALENTINEWell, you’ll still be too forward.
SPEEDAnd yet I was last chidden for being too slow.
VALENTINEGo to, sir. Tell me, do you know Madam Silvia?
SPEEDShe that your worship loves?
VALENTINEWhy, how know you that I am in love?
SPEEDMarry, by these special marks: first, you have learned, like Sir
Proteus, to wreathe your arms like a malcontent; to relish a love-song,
like a robin redbreast; to walk alone, like one that had the
pestilence; to sigh, like a schoolboy that had lost his ABC; to weep,
like a young wench that had buried her grandam; to fast, like one that
takes diet; to watch, like one that fears robbing; to speak puling,
like a beggar at Hallowmas. You were wont, when you laughed, to crow
like a cock; when you walked, to walk like one of the lions; when you
fasted, it was presently after dinner; when you looked sadly, it was
for want of money. And now you are metamorphosed with a mistress, that,
when I look on you, I can hardly think you my master.
VALENTINEAre all these things perceived in me?
SPEEDThey are all perceived without ye.
VALENTINEWithout me? They cannot.
SPEEDWithout you? Nay, that’s certain, for without you were so simple, none
else would. But you are so without these follies, that these follies
are within you, and shine through you like the water in an urinal, that
not an eye that sees you but is a physician to comment on your malady.
VALENTINEBut tell me, dost thou know my lady Silvia?
SPEEDShe that you gaze on so as she sits at supper?
VALENTINEHast thou observed that? Even she I mean.
SPEEDWhy, sir, I know her not.
VALENTINEDost thou know her by my gazing on her, and yet know’st her not?
SPEEDIs she not hard-favoured, sir?
VALENTINENot so fair, boy, as well-favoured.
SPEEDSir, I know that well enough.
VALENTINEWhat dost thou know?
SPEEDThat she is not so fair as, of you, well-favoured.
VALENTINEI mean that her beauty is exquisite but her favour infinite.
SPEEDThat’s because the one is painted, and the other out of all count.
VALENTINEHow painted? And how out of count?
SPEEDMarry, sir, so painted to make her fair, that no man counts of her
beauty.
VALENTINEHow esteem’st thou me? I account of her beauty.
SPEEDYou never saw her since she was deformed.
VALENTINEHow long hath she been deformed?
SPEEDEver since you loved her.
VALENTINEI have loved her ever since I saw her, and still I see her beautiful.
SPEEDIf you love her, you cannot see her.
VALENTINEWhy?
SPEEDBecause Love is blind. O, that you had mine eyes, or your own eyes had
the lights they were wont to have when you chid at Sir Proteus for
going ungartered!
VALENTINEWhat should I see then?
SPEEDYour own present folly and her passing deformity; for he, being in
love, could not see to garter his hose; and you, being in love, cannot
see to put on your hose.
VALENTINEBelike, boy, then you are in love, for last morning you could not see
to wipe my shoes.
SPEEDTrue, sir, I was in love with my bed. I thank you, you swinged me for
my love, which makes me the bolder to chide you for yours.
VALENTINEIn conclusion, I stand affected to her.
SPEEDI would you were set, so your affection would cease.
VALENTINELast night she enjoined me to write some lines to one she loves.
SPEEDAnd have you?
VALENTINEI have.
SPEEDAre they not lamely writ?
VALENTINENo, boy, but as well as I can do them.
Peace, here she comes.
Enter Silvia.
SPEED[_Aside_.] O excellent motion! O exceeding puppet!
Now will he interpret to her.
VALENTINEMadam and mistress, a thousand good-morrows.
SPEED[_Aside_.] O, give ye good e’en! Here’s a million of manners.
SILVIASir Valentine and servant, to you two thousand.
SPEED[_Aside_.] He should give her interest, and she gives it him.
VALENTINEAs you enjoined me, I have writ your letter
Unto the secret nameless friend of yours,
Which I was much unwilling to proceed in
But for my duty to your ladyship.
SILVIAI thank you, gentle servant, ’tis very clerkly done.
VALENTINENow trust me, madam, it came hardly off,
For, being ignorant to whom it goes,
I writ at random, very doubtfully.
SILVIAPerchance you think too much of so much pains?
VALENTINENo, madam; so it stead you, I will write,
Please you command, a thousand times as much.
And yet—
SILVIAA pretty period. Well, I guess the sequel;
And yet I will not name it. And yet I care not.
And yet take this again.
And yet I thank you,
Meaning henceforth to trouble you no more.
SPEED[_Aside_.] And yet you will; and yet another “yet”.
VALENTINEWhat means your ladyship? Do you not like it?
SILVIAYes, yes, the lines are very quaintly writ,
But, since unwillingly, take them again.
Nay, take them.
VALENTINEMadam, they are for you.
SILVIAAy, ay, you writ them, sir, at my request,
But I will none of them. They are for you.
I would have had them writ more movingly.
VALENTINEPlease you, I’ll write your ladyship another.
SILVIAAnd when it’s writ, for my sake read it over,
And if it please you, so; if not, why, so.
VALENTINEIf it please me, madam? What then?
SILVIAWhy, if it please you, take it for your labour.
And so good morrow, servant.
Exit.
SPEED[_Aside_.] O jest unseen, inscrutable, invisible,
As a nose on a man’s face, or a weathercock on a steeple!
My master sues to her, and she hath taught her suitor,
He being her pupil, to become her tutor.
O excellent device! Was there ever heard a better?
That my master, being scribe, to himself should write the letter?
VALENTINEHow now, sir? What are you reasoning with yourself?
SPEEDNay, I was rhyming. ’Tis you that have the reason.
VALENTINETo do what?
SPEEDTo be a spokesman from Madam Silvia.
VALENTINETo whom?
SPEEDTo yourself. Why, she woos you by a figure.
VALENTINEWhat figure?
SPEEDBy a letter, I should say.
VALENTINEWhy, she hath not writ to me.
SPEEDWhat need she, when she hath made you write to yourself? Why, do you
not perceive the jest?
VALENTINENo, believe me.
SPEEDNo believing you indeed, sir. But did you perceive her earnest?
VALENTINEShe gave me none, except an angry word.
SPEEDWhy, she hath given you a letter.
VALENTINEThat’s the letter I writ to her friend.
SPEEDAnd that letter hath she delivered, and there an end.
VALENTINEI would it were no worse.
SPEEDI’ll warrant you, ’tis as well.
For often have you writ to her, and she, in modesty
Or else for want of idle time, could not again reply,
Or fearing else some messenger that might her mind discover,
Herself hath taught her love himself to write unto her lover.
All this I speak in print, for in print I found it. Why muse you, sir?
’Tis dinner time.
VALENTINEI have dined.
SPEEDAy, but hearken, sir, though the chameleon Love can feed on the air, I
am one that am nourished by my victuals, and would fain have meat. O,
be not like your mistress! Be moved, be moved.
Exeunt.
Scene II
Enter Proteus and Julia.
PROTEUSHave patience, gentle Julia.
JULIAI must, where is no remedy.
PROTEUSWhen possibly I can, I will return.
JULIAIf you turn not, you will return the sooner.
Keep this remembrance for thy Julia’s sake.
PROTEUSWhy, then we’ll make exchange. Here, take you this.
JULIAAnd seal the bargain with a holy kiss.
PROTEUSHere is my hand for my true constancy.
And when that hour o’erslips me in the day
Wherein I sigh not, Julia, for thy sake,
The next ensuing hour some foul mischance
Torment me for my love’s forgetfulness.
My father stays my coming; answer not.
The tide is now—nay, not thy tide of tears,
That tide will stay me longer than I should.
Julia, farewell.
Exit Julia.
Enter Pantino.
PANTINOSir Proteus, you are stayed for.
PROTEUSGo, I come, I come.
Alas, this parting strikes poor lovers dumb.
Exeunt.
Scene III
Enter Lance with his dog Crab.
LANCENay, ’twill be this hour ere I have done weeping; all the kind of the
Lances have this very fault. I have received my proportion, like the
prodigious son, and am going with Sir Proteus to the Imperial’s court.
I think Crab my dog be the sourest-natured dog that lives: my mother
weeping, my father wailing, my sister crying, our maid howling, our cat
wringing her hands, and all our house in a great perplexity, yet did
not this cruel-hearted cur shed one tear. He is a stone, a very
pebblestone, and has no more pity in him than a dog. A Jew would have
wept to have seen our parting. Why, my grandam, having no eyes, look
you, wept herself blind at my parting. Nay, I’ll show you the manner of
it. This shoe is my father. No, this left shoe is my father; no, no,
this left shoe is my mother. Nay, that cannot be so neither. Yes, it is
so, it is so; it hath the worser sole. This shoe with the hole in it is
my mother, and this my father. A vengeance on ’t, there ’tis. Now, sir,
this staff is my sister, for, look you, she is as white as a lily and
as small as a wand. This hat is Nan, our maid. I am the dog. No, the
dog is himself, and I am the dog. O, the dog is me, and I am myself.
Ay, so, so. Now come I to my father: “Father, your blessing.” Now
should not the shoe speak a word for weeping. Now should I kiss my
father. Well, he weeps on. Now come I to my mother. O, that she could
speak now like a wood woman! Well, I kiss her. Why there ’tis; here’s
my mother’s breath up and down. Now come I to my sister. Mark the moan
she makes. Now the dog all this while sheds not a tear nor speaks a
word; but see how I lay the dust with my tears.
Enter Pantino.
PANTINOLance, away, away! Aboard! Thy master is shipped, and thou art to post
after with oars. What’s the matter? Why weep’st thou, man? Away, ass.
You’ll lose the tide if you tarry any longer.
LANCEIt is no matter if the tied were lost, for it is the unkindest tied
that ever any man tied.
PANTINOWhat’s the unkindest tide?
LANCEWhy, he that’s tied here, Crab, my dog.
PANTINOTut, man, I mean thou’lt lose the flood, and, in losing the flood, lose
thy voyage, and, in losing thy voyage, lose thy master, and, in losing
thy master, lose thy service, and, in losing thy service—why dost thou
stop my mouth?
LANCEFor fear thou shouldst lose thy tongue.
PANTINOWhere should I lose my tongue?
LANCEIn thy tale.
PANTINOIn thy tail!
LANCELose the tide, and the voyage, and the master, and the service, and the
tied? Why, man, if the river were dry, I am able to fill it with my
tears; if the wind were down, I could drive the boat with my sighs.
PANTINOCome, come away, man. I was sent to call thee.
LANCESir, call me what thou dar’st.
PANTINOWill thou go?
LANCEWell, I will go.
Exeunt.
Scene IV
Enter Valentine, Silvia, Thurio and Speed.
SILVIAServant!
VALENTINEMistress?
SPEEDMaster, Sir Thurio frowns on you.
VALENTINEAy, boy, it’s for love.
SPEEDNot of you.
VALENTINEOf my mistress, then.
SPEED’Twere good you knocked him.
SILVIAServant, you are sad.
VALENTINEIndeed, madam, I seem so.
THURIOSeem you that you are not?
VALENTINEHaply I do.
THURIOSo do counterfeits.
VALENTINESo do you.
THURIOWhat seem I that I am not?
VALENTINEWise.
THURIOWhat instance of the contrary?
VALENTINEYour folly.
THURIOAnd how quote you my folly?
VALENTINEI quote it in your jerkin.
THURIOMy jerkin is a doublet.
VALENTINEWell, then, I’ll double your folly.
THURIOHow!
SILVIAWhat, angry, Sir Thurio? Do you change colour?
VALENTINEGive him leave, madam, he is a kind of chameleon.
THURIOThat hath more mind to feed on your blood than live in your air.
VALENTINEYou have said, sir.
THURIOAy, sir, and done too, for this time.
VALENTINEI know it well, sir. You always end ere you begin.
SILVIAA fine volley of words, gentlemen, and quickly shot off.
VALENTINE’Tis indeed, madam, we thank the giver.
SILVIAWho is that, servant?
VALENTINEYourself, sweet lady, for you gave the fire. Sir Thurio borrows his wit
from your ladyship’s looks, and spends what he borrows kindly in your
company.
THURIOSir, if you spend word for word with me, I shall make your wit
bankrupt.
VALENTINEI know it well, sir. You have an exchequer of words and, I think, no
other treasure to give your followers, for it appears by their bare
liveries that they live by your bare words.
SILVIANo more, gentlemen, no more. Here comes my father.
Enter Duke.
DUKENow, daughter Silvia, you are hard beset.
Sir Valentine, your father is in good health.
What say you to a letter from your friends
Of much good news?
VALENTINEMy lord, I will be thankful
To any happy messenger from thence.
DUKEKnow ye Don Antonio, your countryman?
VALENTINEAy, my good lord, I know the gentleman
To be of worth and worthy estimation,
And not without desert so well reputed.
DUKEHath he not a son?
VALENTINEAy, my good lord, a son that well deserves
The honour and regard of such a father.
DUKEYou know him well?
VALENTINEI knew him as myself, for from our infancy
We have conversed and spent our hours together.
And though myself have been an idle truant,
Omitting the sweet benefit of time
To clothe mine age with angel-like perfection,
Yet hath Sir Proteus, for that’s his name,
Made use and fair advantage of his days:
His years but young, but his experience old;
His head unmellowed, but his judgement ripe;
And in a word, for far behind his worth
Comes all the praises that I now bestow,
He is complete in feature and in mind,
With all good grace to grace a gentleman.
DUKEBeshrew me, sir, but if he make this good,
He is as worthy for an empress’ love
As meet to be an emperor’s counsellor.
Well, sir, this gentleman is come to me
With commendation from great potentates,
And here he means to spend his time awhile.
I think ’tis no unwelcome news to you.
VALENTINEShould I have wished a thing, it had been he.
DUKEWelcome him then according to his worth.
Silvia, I speak to you, and you, Sir Thurio.
For Valentine, I need not cite him to it.
I will send him hither to you presently.
Exit.
VALENTINEThis is the gentleman I told your ladyship
Had come along with me but that his mistresss
Did hold his eyes locked in her crystal looks.
SILVIABelike that now she hath enfranchised them
Upon some other pawn for fealty.
VALENTINENay, sure, I think she holds them prisoners still.
SILVIANay, then, he should be blind, and being blind
How could he see his way to seek out you?
VALENTINEWhy, lady, Love hath twenty pair of eyes.
THURIOThey say that Love hath not an eye at all.
VALENTINETo see such lovers, Thurio, as yourself.
Upon a homely object, Love can wink.
SILVIAHave done, have done. Here comes the gentleman.
Enter Proteus.
VALENTINEWelcome, dear Proteus! Mistress, I beseech you
Confirm his welcome with some special favour.
SILVIAHis worth is warrant for his welcome hither,
If this be he you oft have wished to hear from.
VALENTINEMistress, it is. Sweet lady, entertain him
To be my fellow-servant to your ladyship.
SILVIAToo low a mistress for so high a servant.
PROTEUSNot so, sweet lady, but too mean a servant
To have a look of such a worthy mistress.
VALENTINELeave off discourse of disability.
Sweet lady, entertain him for your servant.
PROTEUSMy duty will I boast of, nothing else.
SILVIAAnd duty never yet did want his meed.
Servant, you are welcome to a worthless mistress.
PROTEUSI’ll die on him that says so but yourself.
SILVIAThat you are welcome?
PROTEUSThat you are worthless.
Enter Servant.
SERVANTMadam, my lord your father would speak with you.
SILVIAI wait upon his pleasure.
Exit Servant.
PROTEUSWe’ll both attend upon your ladyship.
Exeunt Silvia and Thurio.
VALENTINENow, tell me, how do all from whence you came?
PROTEUSYour friends are well and have them much commended.
VALENTINEAnd how do yours?
PROTEUSI left them all in health.
VALENTINEHow does your lady? And how thrives your love?
PROTEUSMy tales of love were wont to weary you;
I know you joy not in a love-discourse.
VALENTINEAy, Proteus, but that life is altered now.
I have done penance for contemning Love,
Whose high imperious thoughts have punished me
With bitter fasts, with penitential groans,
With nightly tears, and daily heart-sore sighs;
For in revenge of my contempt of love,
Love hath chased sleep from my enthralled eyes
And made them watchers of mine own heart’s sorrow.
O gentle Proteus, Love’s a mighty lord,
And hath so humbled me as I confess
There is no woe to his correction,
Nor to his service no such joy on earth.
Now, no discourse, except it be of love;
Now can I break my fast, dine, sup, and sleep
Upon the very naked name of love.
PROTEUSEnough; I read your fortune in your eye.
Was this the idol that you worship so?
VALENTINEEven she; and is she not a heavenly saint?
PROTEUSNo, but she is an earthly paragon.
VALENTINECall her divine.
PROTEUSI will not flatter her.
VALENTINEO, flatter me, for love delights in praises.
PROTEUSWhen I was sick, you gave me bitter pills,
And I must minister the like to you.
VALENTINEThen speak the truth by her; if not divine,
Yet let her be a principality,
Sovereign to all the creatures on the earth.
PROTEUSExcept my mistress.
VALENTINESweet, except not any,
Except thou wilt except against my love.
PROTEUSHave I not reason to prefer mine own?
VALENTINEAnd I will help thee to prefer her too:
She shall be dignified with this high honour,
To bear my lady’s train, lest the base earth
Should from her vesture chance to steal a kiss,
And, of so great a favour growing proud,
Disdain to root the summer-swelling flower
And make rough winter everlastingly.
PROTEUSWhy, Valentine, what braggartism is this?
VALENTINEPardon me, Proteus, all I can is nothing
To her, whose worth makes other worthies nothing;
She is alone.
PROTEUSThen let her alone.
VALENTINENot for the world! Why, man, she is mine own,
And I as rich in having such a jewel
As twenty seas, if all their sand were pearl,
The water nectar, and the rocks pure gold.
Forgive me that I do not dream on thee,
Because thou seest me dote upon my love.
My foolish rival, that her father likes
Only for his possessions are so huge,
Is gone with her along, and I must after,
For love, thou know’st, is full of jealousy.
PROTEUSBut she loves you?
VALENTINEAy, and we are betrothed; nay more, our marriage hour,
With all the cunning manner of our flight,
Determined of: how I must climb her window,
The ladder made of cords, and all the means
Plotted and ’greed on for my happiness.
Good Proteus, go with me to my chamber,
In these affairs to aid me with thy counsel.
PROTEUSGo on before; I shall enquire you forth.
I must unto the road to disembark
Some necessaries that I needs must use,
And then I’ll presently attend you.
VALENTINEWill you make haste?
PROTEUSI will.
Exit Valentine.
Exit.
Scene V
Enter Speed and Lance with his dog Crab.
SPEEDLance, by mine honesty, welcome to Milan!
LANCEForswear not thyself, sweet youth, for I am not welcome. I reckon this
always, that a man is never undone till he be hanged, nor never welcome
to a place till some certain shot be paid and the hostess say
“Welcome”.
SPEEDCome on, you madcap. I’ll to the alehouse with you presently, where,
for one shot of five pence, thou shalt have five thousand welcomes.
But, sirrah, how did thy master part with Madam Julia?
LANCEMarry, after they closed in earnest, they parted very fairly in jest.
SPEEDBut shall she marry him?
LANCENo.
SPEEDHow then? Shall he marry her?
LANCENo, neither.
SPEEDWhat, are they broken?
LANCENo, they are both as whole as a fish.
SPEEDWhy then, how stands the matter with them?
LANCEMarry, thus: when it stands well with him, it stands well with her.
SPEEDWhat an ass art thou! I understand thee not.
LANCEWhat a block art thou that thou canst not! My staff understands me.
SPEEDWhat thou sayst?
LANCEAy, and what I do too. Look thee, I’ll but lean, and my staff
understands me.
SPEEDIt stands under thee indeed.
LANCEWhy, stand-under and under-stand is all one.
SPEEDBut tell me true, will’t be a match?
LANCEAsk my dog. If he say “Ay”, it will; if he say “No”, it will; if he
shake his tail and say nothing, it will.
SPEEDThe conclusion is, then, that it will.
LANCEThou shalt never get such a secret from me but by a parable.
SPEED’Tis well that I get it so. But, Lance, how sayst thou that my master
is become a notable lover?
LANCEI never knew him otherwise.
SPEEDThan how?
LANCEA notable lubber, as thou reportest him to be.
SPEEDWhy, thou whoreson ass, thou mistak’st me.
LANCEWhy, fool, I meant not thee, I meant thy master.
SPEEDI tell thee, my master is become a hot lover.
LANCEWhy, I tell thee, I care not though he burn himself in love. If thou
wilt, go with me to the alehouse; if not, thou art an Hebrew, a Jew,
and not worth the name of a Christian.
SPEEDWhy?
LANCEBecause thou hast not so much charity in thee as to go to the ale with
a Christian. Wilt thou go?
SPEEDAt thy service.
Exeunt.
Scene VI
Enter Proteus alone.
PROTEUSTo leave my Julia, shall I be forsworn;
To love fair Silvia, shall I be forsworn;
To wrong my friend, I shall be much forsworn.
And e’en that power which gave me first my oath
Provokes me to this threefold perjury.
Love bade me swear, and Love bids me forswear.
O sweet-suggesting Love, if thou hast sinned,
Teach me, thy tempted subject, to excuse it.
At first I did adore a twinkling star,
But now I worship a celestial sun.
Unheedful vows may heedfully be broken,
And he wants wit that wants resolved will
To learn his wit t’ exchange the bad for better.
Fie, fie, unreverend tongue, to call her bad
Whose sovereignty so oft thou hast preferred
With twenty thousand soul-confirming oaths.
I cannot leave to love, and yet I do;
But there I leave to love where I should love.
Julia I lose, and Valentine I lose;
If I keep them, I needs must lose myself;
If I lose them, thus find I by their loss,
For Valentine, myself; for Julia, Silvia.
I to myself am dearer than a friend,
For love is still most precious in itself,
And Silvia—witness heaven that made her fair—
Shows Julia but a swarthy Ethiope.
I will forget that Julia is alive,
Remembering that my love to her is dead;
And Valentine I’ll hold an enemy,
Aiming at Silvia as a sweeter friend.
I cannot now prove constant to myself
Without some treachery used to Valentine.
This night he meaneth with a corded ladder
To climb celestial Silvia’s chamber window,
Myself in counsel, his competitor.
Now presently I’ll give her father notice
Of their disguising and pretended flight,
Who, all enraged, will banish Valentine,
For Thurio he intends shall wed his daughter.
But Valentine being gone, I’ll quickly cross
By some sly trick blunt Thurio’s dull proceeding.
Love, lend me wings to make my purpose swift,
As thou hast lent me wit to plot this drift.
Exit.
Scene VII
Enter Julia and Lucetta.
JULIACounsel, Lucetta; gentle girl, assist me,
And ev’n in kind love I do conjure thee,
Who art the table wherein all my thoughts
Are visibly charactered and engraved,
To lesson me and tell me some good mean
How with my honour I may undertake
A journey to my loving Proteus.
LUCETTAAlas, the way is wearisome and long.
JULIAA true-devoted pilgrim is not weary
To measure kingdoms with his feeble steps;
Much less shall she that hath Love’s wings to fly,
And when the flight is made to one so dear,
Of such divine perfection, as Sir Proteus.
LUCETTABetter forbear till Proteus make return.
JULIAO, know’st thou not his looks are my soul’s food?
Pity the dearth that I have pined in
By longing for that food so long a time.
Didst thou but know the inly touch of love
Thou wouldst as soon go kindle fire with snow
As seek to quench the fire of love with words.
LUCETTAI do not seek to quench your love’s hot fire,
But qualify the fire’s extreme rage,
Lest it should burn above the bounds of reason.
JULIAThe more thou damm’st it up, the more it burns.
The current that with gentle murmur glides,
Thou know’st, being stopped, impatiently doth rage;
But when his fair course is not hindered,
He makes sweet music with th’ enamelled stones,
Giving a gentle kiss to every sedge
He overtaketh in his pilgrimage;
And so by many winding nooks he strays
With willing sport to the wild ocean.
Then let me go and hinder not my course.
I’ll be as patient as a gentle stream
And make a pastime of each weary step
Till the last step have brought me to my love,
And there I’ll rest as after much turmoil
A blessed soul doth in Elysium.
LUCETTABut in what habit will you go along?
JULIANot like a woman, for I would prevent
The loose encounters of lascivious men.
Gentle Lucetta, fit me with such weeds
As may beseem some well-reputed page.
LUCETTAWhy then, your ladyship must cut your hair.
JULIANo, girl, I’ll knit it up in silken strings
With twenty odd-conceited true-love knots.
To be fantastic may become a youth
Of greater time than I shall show to be.
LUCETTAWhat fashion, madam, shall I make your breeches?
JULIAThat fits as well as “Tell me, good my lord,
What compass will you wear your farthingale?”
Why e’en what fashion thou best likes, Lucetta.
LUCETTAYou must needs have them with a codpiece, madam.
JULIAOut, out, Lucetta, that will be ill-favoured.
LUCETTAA round hose, madam, now’s not worth a pin
Unless you have a codpiece to stick pins on.
JULIALucetta, as thou lov’st me, let me have
What thou think’st meet and is most mannerly.
But tell me, wench, how will the world repute me
For undertaking so unstaid a journey?
I fear me it will make me scandalized.
LUCETTAIf you think so, then stay at home and go not.
JULIANay, that I will not.
LUCETTAThen never dream on infamy, but go.
If Proteus like your journey when you come,
No matter who’s displeased when you are gone.
I fear me he will scarce be pleased withal.
JULIAThat is the least, Lucetta, of my fear.
A thousand oaths, an ocean of his tears,
And instances of infinite of love,
Warrant me welcome to my Proteus.
LUCETTAAll these are servants to deceitful men.
JULIABase men that use them to so base effect!
But truer stars did govern Proteus’ birth.
His words are bonds, his oaths are oracles,
His love sincere, his thoughts immaculate,
His tears pure messengers sent from his heart,
His heart as far from fraud as heaven from earth.
LUCETTAPray heav’n he prove so when you come to him.
JULIANow, as thou lov’st me, do him not that wrong
To bear a hard opinion of his truth.
Only deserve my love by loving him.
And presently go with me to my chamber
To take a note of what I stand in need of
To furnish me upon my longing journey.
All that is mine I leave at thy dispose,
My goods, my lands, my reputation;
Only, in lieu thereof, dispatch me hence.
Come, answer not, but to it presently.
I am impatient of my tarriance.
Exeunt.
Act III
Scene I
Enter Duke, Thurio and Proteus.
DUKESir Thurio, give us leave, I pray, awhile;
We have some secrets to confer about.
Exit Thurio.
PROTEUSMy gracious lord, that which I would discover
The law of friendship bids me to conceal,
But when I call to mind your gracious favours
Done to me, undeserving as I am,
My duty pricks me on to utter that
Which else no worldly good should draw from me.
Know, worthy prince, Sir Valentine my friend
This night intends to steal away your daughter;
Myself am one made privy to the plot.
I know you have determined to bestow her
On Thurio, whom your gentle daughter hates,
And should she thus be stol’n away from you,
It would be much vexation to your age.
Thus, for my duty’s sake, I rather chose
To cross my friend in his intended drift
Than, by concealing it, heap on your head
A pack of sorrows which would press you down,
Being unprevented, to your timeless grave.
DUKEProteus, I thank thee for thine honest care,
Which to requite command me while I live.
This love of theirs myself have often seen,
Haply when they have judged me fast asleep,
And oftentimes have purposed to forbid
Sir Valentine her company and my court.
But fearing lest my jealous aim might err
And so, unworthily, disgrace the man—
A rashness that I ever yet have shunned—
I gave him gentle looks, thereby to find
That which thyself hast now disclosed to me.
And that thou mayst perceive my fear of this,
Knowing that tender youth is soon suggested,
I nightly lodge her in an upper tower,
The key whereof myself have ever kept;
And thence she cannot be conveyed away.
PROTEUSKnow, noble lord, they have devised a mean
How he her chamber-window will ascend
And with a corded ladder fetch her down;
For which the youthful lover now is gone,
And this way comes he with it presently,
Where, if it please you, you may intercept him.
But, good my lord, do it so cunningly
That my discovery be not aimed at;
For love of you, not hate unto my friend,
Hath made me publisher of this pretence.
DUKEUpon mine honour, he shall never know
That I had any light from thee of this.
PROTEUSAdieu, my lord, Sir Valentine is coming.
Exit.
Enter Valentine.
DUKESir Valentine, whither away so fast?
VALENTINEPlease it your Grace, there is a messenger
That stays to bear my letters to my friends,
And I am going to deliver them.
DUKEBe they of much import?
VALENTINEThe tenor of them doth but signify
My health and happy being at your court.
DUKENay then, no matter. Stay with me awhile;
I am to break with thee of some affairs
That touch me near, wherein thou must be secret.
’Tis not unknown to thee that I have sought
To match my friend Sir Thurio to my daughter.
VALENTINEI know it well, my lord, and sure the match
Were rich and honourable. Besides, the gentleman
Is full of virtue, bounty, worth, and qualities
Beseeming such a wife as your fair daughter.
Cannot your grace win her to fancy him?
DUKENo, trust me, she is peevish, sullen, froward,
Proud, disobedient, stubborn, lacking duty,
Neither regarding that she is my child
Nor fearing me as if I were her father;
And, may I say to thee, this pride of hers,
Upon advice, hath drawn my love from her,
And where I thought the remnant of mine age
Should have been cherished by her childlike duty,
I now am full resolved to take a wife
And turn her out to who will take her in.
Then let her beauty be her wedding dower,
For me and my possessions she esteems not.
VALENTINEWhat would your Grace have me to do in this?
DUKEThere is a lady of Verona here
Whom I affect; but she is nice, and coy,
And nought esteems my aged eloquence.
Now therefore would I have thee to my tutor—
For long agone I have forgot to court;
Besides, the fashion of the time is changed—
How and which way I may bestow myself
To be regarded in her sun-bright eye.
VALENTINEWin her with gifts if she respect not words;
Dumb jewels often in their silent kind
More than quick words do move a woman’s mind.
DUKEBut she did scorn a present that I sent her.
VALENTINEA woman sometime scorns what best contents her.
Send her another; never give her o’er,
For scorn at first makes after-love the more.
If she do frown, ’tis not in hate of you,
But rather to beget more love in you.
If she do chide, ’tis not to have you gone,
Forwhy the fools are mad if left alone.
Take no repulse, whatever she doth say;
For “Get you gone” she doth not mean “Away!”
Flatter and praise, commend, extol their graces;
Though ne’er so black, say they have angels’ faces.
That man that hath a tongue, I say, is no man
If with his tongue he cannot win a woman.
DUKEBut she I mean is promised by her friends
Unto a youthful gentleman of worth,
And kept severely from resort of men,
That no man hath access by day to her.
VALENTINEWhy then, I would resort to her by night.
DUKEAy, but the doors be locked and keys kept safe,
That no man hath recourse to her by night.
VALENTINEWhat lets but one may enter at her window?
DUKEHer chamber is aloft, far from the ground,
And built so shelving that one cannot climb it
Without apparent hazard of his life.
VALENTINEWhy, then a ladder quaintly made of cords
To cast up with a pair of anchoring hooks,
Would serve to scale another Hero’s tower,
So bold Leander would adventure it.
DUKENow, as thou art a gentleman of blood,
Advise me where I may have such a ladder.
VALENTINEWhen would you use it? Pray, sir, tell me that.
DUKEThis very night; for Love is like a child
That longs for everything that he can come by.
VALENTINEBy seven o’clock I’ll get you such a ladder.
DUKEBut, hark thee: I will go to her alone;
How shall I best convey the ladder thither?
VALENTINEIt will be light, my lord, that you may bear it
Under a cloak that is of any length.
DUKEA cloak as long as thine will serve the turn?
VALENTINEAy, my good lord.
DUKEThen let me see thy cloak;
I’ll get me one of such another length.
VALENTINEWhy, any cloak will serve the turn, my lord.
DUKEHow shall I fashion me to wear a cloak?
I pray thee, let me feel thy cloak upon me.
[_Takes Valentine’s cloak and finds a letter and a rope ladder
concealed under it._]
What letter is this same? What’s here?—_To Silvia?_
And here an engine fit for my proceeding.
I’ll be so bold to break the seal for once.
[_Reads_.] _My thoughts do harbour with my Silvia nightly,
And slaves they are to me that send them flying.
O, could their master come and go as lightly,
Himself would lodge where, senseless, they are lying.
My herald thoughts in thy pure bosom rest them,
While I, their king, that thither them importune,
Do curse the grace that with such grace hath blest them,
Because myself do want my servants’ fortune.
I curse myself, for they are sent by me,
That they should harbour where their lord should be._
What’s here?
[_Reads_.] _Silvia, this night I will enfranchise thee._
’Tis so; and here’s the ladder for the purpose.
Why, Phaëthon—for thou art Merops’ son—
Wilt thou aspire to guide the heavenly car,
And with thy daring folly burn the world?
Wilt thou reach stars because they shine on thee?
Go, base intruder, overweening slave,
Bestow thy fawning smiles on equal mates,
And think my patience, more than thy desert,
Is privilege for thy departure hence.
Thank me for this more than for all the favours
Which, all too much, I have bestowed on thee.
But if thou linger in my territories
Longer than swiftest expedition
Will give thee time to leave our royal court,
By heaven, my wrath shall far exceed the love
I ever bore my daughter or thyself.
Begone, I will not hear thy vain excuse,
But, as thou lov’st thy life, make speed from hence.
Exit.
VALENTINEAnd why not death, rather than living torment?
To die is to be banished from myself,
And Silvia is myself; banished from her
Is self from self—a deadly banishment.
What light is light, if Silvia be not seen?
What joy is joy, if Silvia be not by?
Unless it be to think that she is by
And feed upon the shadow of perfection.
Except I be by Silvia in the night,
There is no music in the nightingale.
Unless I look on Silvia in the day,
There is no day for me to look upon.
She is my essence, and I leave to be
If I be not by her fair influence
Fostered, illumined, cherished, kept alive.
I fly not death, to fly his deadly doom:
Tarry I here, I but attend on death,
But fly I hence, I fly away from life.
Enter Proteus and Lance.
PROTEUSRun, boy, run, run, seek him out.
LANCESo-ho, so-ho!
PROTEUSWhat seest thou?
LANCEHim we go to find. There’s not a hair on ’s head but ’tis a Valentine.
PROTEUSValentine?
VALENTINENo.
PROTEUSWho then? His spirit?
VALENTINENeither.
PROTEUSWhat then?
VALENTINENothing.
LANCECan nothing speak? Master, shall I strike?
PROTEUSWho wouldst thou strike?
LANCENothing.
PROTEUSVillain, forbear.
LANCEWhy, sir, I’ll strike nothing. I pray you—
PROTEUSSirrah, I say, forbear.—Friend Valentine, a word.
VALENTINEMy ears are stopped and cannot hear good news,
So much of bad already hath possessed them.
PROTEUSThen in dumb silence will I bury mine,
For they are harsh, untuneable, and bad.
VALENTINEIs Silvia dead?
PROTEUSNo, Valentine.
VALENTINENo Valentine indeed for sacred Silvia.
Hath she forsworn me?
PROTEUSNo, Valentine.
VALENTINENo Valentine, if Silvia have forsworn me.
What is your news?
LANCESir, there is a proclamation that you are vanished.
PROTEUSThat thou art banished—O, that’s the news—
From hence, from Silvia, and from me thy friend.
VALENTINEO, I have fed upon this woe already,
And now excess of it will make me surfeit.
Doth Silvia know that I am banished?
PROTEUSAy, ay; and she hath offered to the doom—
Which unreversed stands in effectual force—
A sea of melting pearl, which some call tears;
Those at her father’s churlish feet she tendered,
With them, upon her knees, her humble self,
Wringing her hands, whose whiteness so became them
As if but now they waxed pale for woe.
But neither bended knees, pure hands held up,
Sad sighs, deep groans, nor silver-shedding tears
Could penetrate her uncompassionate sire;
But Valentine, if he be ta’en, must die.
Besides, her intercession chafed him so,
When she for thy repeal was suppliant,
That to close prison he commanded her,
With many bitter threats of biding there.
VALENTINENo more, unless the next word that thou speak’st
Have some malignant power upon my life.
If so, I pray thee breathe it in mine ear,
As ending anthem of my endless dolour.
PROTEUSCease to lament for that thou canst not help,
And study help for that which thou lament’st.
Time is the nurse and breeder of all good.
Here if thou stay, thou canst not see thy love;
Besides, thy staying will abridge thy life.
Hope is a lover’s staff; walk hence with that
And manage it against despairing thoughts.
Thy letters may be here, though thou art hence,
Which, being writ to me, shall be delivered
Even in the milk-white bosom of thy love.
The time now serves not to expostulate.
Come, I’ll convey thee through the city-gate,
And, ere I part with thee, confer at large
Of all that may concern thy love affairs.
As thou lov’st Silvia, though not for thyself,
Regard thy danger, and along with me.
VALENTINEI pray thee, Lance, an if thou seest my boy,
Bid him make haste and meet me at the North Gate.
PROTEUSGo, sirrah, find him out. Come, Valentine.
VALENTINEO, my dear Silvia! Hapless Valentine!
Exeunt Valentine and Proteus.
LANCEI am but a fool, look you, and yet I have the wit to think my master is
a kind of a knave; but that’s all one if he be but one knave. He lives
not now that knows me to be in love, yet I am in love, but a team of
horse shall not pluck that from me, nor who ’tis I love; and yet ’tis a
woman, but what woman I will not tell myself; and yet ’tis a milkmaid;
yet ’tis not a maid, for she hath had gossips; yet ’tis a maid, for she
is her master’s maid and serves for wages. She hath more qualities than
a water-spaniel, which is much in a bare Christian. [_Pulls out a
paper_.] Here is the cate-log of her condition. _Imprimis, She can
fetch and carry_. Why, a horse can do no more; nay, a horse cannot
fetch but only carry; therefore is she better than a jade. _Item, She
can milk_. Look you, a sweet virtue in a maid with clean hands.
Enter Speed.
SPEEDHow now, Signior Lance? What news with your mastership?
LANCEWith my master’s ship? Why, it is at sea.
SPEEDWell, your old vice still: mistake the word. What news, then, in your
paper?
LANCEThe blackest news that ever thou heard’st.
SPEEDWhy, man? How black?
LANCEWhy, as black as ink.
SPEEDLet me read them.
LANCEFie on thee, jolt-head, thou canst not read.
SPEEDThou liest. I can.
LANCEI will try thee. Tell me this, who begot thee?
SPEEDMarry, the son of my grandfather.
LANCEO, illiterate loiterer! It was the son of thy grandmother.
This proves that thou canst not read.
SPEEDCome, fool, come; try me in thy paper.
LANCE[_Gives him the paper_.] There; and Saint Nicholas be thy speed.
SPEED_Imprimis, She can milk._
LANCEAy, that she can.
SPEED_Item, She brews good ale._
LANCEAnd thereof comes the proverb, “Blessing of your heart, you brew good
ale.”
SPEED_Item, She can sew._
LANCEThat’s as much as to say, “Can she so?”
SPEED_Item, She can knit._
LANCEWhat need a man care for a stock with a wench, when she can knit him a
stock?
SPEED_Item, She can wash and scour._
LANCEA special virtue, for then she need not be washed and scoured.
SPEED_Item, She can spin._
LANCEThen may I set the world on wheels, when she can spin for her living.
SPEED_Item, She hath many nameless virtues._
LANCEThat’s as much as to say, “bastard virtues”, that indeed know not their
fathers, and therefore have no names.
SPEEDHere follow her vices.
LANCEClose at the heels of her virtues.
SPEED_Item, She is not to be kissed fasting in respect of her breath._
LANCEWell, that fault may be mended with a breakfast.
Read on.
SPEED_Item, She hath a sweet mouth._
LANCEThat makes amends for her sour breath.
SPEED_Item, She doth talk in her sleep._
LANCEIt’s no matter for that, so she sleep not in her talk.
SPEED_Item, She is slow in words._
LANCEO villain, that set this down among her vices! To be slow in words is a
woman’s only virtue. I pray thee, out with’t, and place it for her
chief virtue.
SPEED_Item, She is proud._
LANCEOut with that too; it was Eve’s legacy and cannot be ta’en from her.
SPEED_Item, She hath no teeth._
LANCEI care not for that neither, because I love crusts.
SPEED_Item, She is curst._
LANCEWell, the best is, she hath no teeth to bite.
SPEED_Item, She will often praise her liquor._
LANCEIf her liquor be good, she shall; if she will not, I will, for good
things should be praised.
SPEED_Item, She is too liberal._
LANCEOf her tongue she cannot, for that’s writ down she is slow of; of her
purse she shall not, for that I’ll keep shut. Now, of another thing she
may, and that cannot I help. Well, proceed.
SPEED_Item, She hath more hair than wit, and more faults than hairs, and
more wealth than faults._
LANCEStop there; I’ll have her. She was mine and not mine twice or thrice in
that last article. Rehearse that once more.
SPEED_Item, She hath more hair than wit_—
LANCEMore hair than wit. It may be; I’ll prove it: the cover of the salt
hides the salt, and therefore it is more than the salt; the hair that
covers the wit is more than the wit, for the greater hides the less.
What’s next?
SPEED_And more faults than hairs._
LANCEThat’s monstrous! O, that that were out!
SPEED_And more wealth than faults._
LANCEWhy, that word makes the faults gracious. Well, I’ll have her; an if it
be a match, as nothing is impossible—
SPEEDWhat then?
LANCEWhy, then will I tell thee that thy master stays for thee at the North
Gate.
SPEEDFor me?
LANCEFor thee? Ay, who art thou? He hath stayed for a better man than thee.
SPEEDAnd must I go to him?
LANCEThou must run to him, for thou hast stayed so long that going will
scarce serve the turn.
SPEEDWhy didst not tell me sooner? Pox of your love letters!
Exit.
LANCENow will he be swinged for reading my letter; an unmannerly slave, that
will thrust himself into secrets. I’ll after, to rejoice in the boy’s
correction.
Exit.
Scene II
Enter Duke and Thurio.
DUKESir Thurio, fear not but that she will love you
Now Valentine is banished from her sight.
THURIOSince his exile she hath despised me most,
Forsworn my company and railed at me,
That I am desperate of obtaining her.
DUKEThis weak impress of love is as a figure
Trenched in ice, which with an hour’s heat
Dissolves to water and doth lose his form.
A little time will melt her frozen thoughts,
And worthless Valentine shall be forgot.
Enter Proteus.
PROTEUSGone, my good lord.
DUKEMy daughter takes his going grievously.
PROTEUSA little time, my lord, will kill that grief.
DUKESo I believe, but Thurio thinks not so.
Proteus, the good conceit I hold of thee,
For thou hast shown some sign of good desert,
Makes me the better to confer with thee.
PROTEUSLonger than I prove loyal to your Grace
Let me not live to look upon your Grace.
DUKEThou know’st how willingly I would effect
The match between Sir Thurio and my daughter?
PROTEUSI do, my lord.
DUKEAnd also, I think, thou art not ignorant
How she opposes her against my will?
PROTEUSShe did, my lord, when Valentine was here.
DUKEAy, and perversely she persevers so.
What might we do to make the girl forget
The love of Valentine, and love Sir Thurio?
PROTEUSThe best way is to slander Valentine
With falsehood, cowardice, and poor descent,
Three things that women highly hold in hate.
DUKEAy, but she’ll think that it is spoke in hate.
PROTEUSAy, if his enemy deliver it;
Therefore it must with circumstance be spoken
By one whom she esteemeth as his friend.
DUKEThen you must undertake to slander him.
PROTEUSAnd that, my lord, I shall be loath to do.
’Tis an ill office for a gentleman,
Especially against his very friend.
DUKEWhere your good word cannot advantage him,
Your slander never can endamage him;
Therefore the office is indifferent,
Being entreated to it by your friend.
PROTEUSYou have prevailed, my lord. If I can do it
By aught that I can speak in his dispraise,
She shall not long continue love to him.
But say this weed her love from Valentine,
It follows not that she will love Sir Thurio.
THURIOTherefore, as you unwind her love from him,
Lest it should ravel and be good to none,
You must provide to bottom it on me,
Which must be done by praising me as much
As you in worth dispraise Sir Valentine.
DUKEAnd, Proteus, we dare trust you in this kind
Because we know, on Valentine’s report,
You are already Love’s firm votary
And cannot soon revolt and change your mind.
Upon this warrant shall you have access
Where you with Silvia may confer at large—
For she is lumpish, heavy, melancholy,
And, for your friend’s sake, will be glad of you—
Where you may temper her by your persuasion
To hate young Valentine and love my friend.
PROTEUSAs much as I can do I will effect.
But you, Sir Thurio, are not sharp enough.
You must lay lime to tangle her desires
By wailful sonnets, whose composed rhymes
Should be full-fraught with serviceable vows.
DUKEAy, much is the force of heaven-bred poesy.
PROTEUSSay that upon the altar of her beauty
You sacrifice your tears, your sighs, your heart.
Write till your ink be dry, and with your tears
Moist it again, and frame some feeling line
That may discover such integrity.
For Orpheus’ lute was strung with poets’ sinews,
Whose golden touch could soften steel and stones,
Make tigers tame, and huge leviathans
Forsake unsounded deeps to dance on sands.
After your dire-lamenting elegies,
Visit by night your lady’s chamber-window
With some sweet consort; to their instruments
Tune a deploring dump; the night’s dead silence
Will well become such sweet-complaining grievance.
This, or else nothing, will inherit her.
DUKEThis discipline shows thou hast been in love.
THURIOAnd thy advice this night I’ll put in practice.
Therefore, sweet Proteus, my direction-giver,
Let us into the city presently
To sort some gentlemen well skilled in music.
I have a sonnet that will serve the turn
To give the onset to thy good advice.
DUKEAbout it, gentlemen!
PROTEUSWe’ll wait upon your Grace till after supper,
And afterward determine our proceedings.
DUKEEven now about it! I will pardon you.
Exeunt.
Act IV
Scene I
Enter certain Outlaws.
FIRST OUTLAWFellows, stand fast. I see a passenger.
SECOND OUTLAWIf there be ten, shrink not, but down with ’em.
Enter Valentine and Speed.
THIRD OUTLAWStand, sir, and throw us that you have about ye.
If not, we’ll make you sit, and rifle you.
SPEEDSir, we are undone: these are the villains
That all the travellers do fear so much.
VALENTINEMy friends—
FIRST OUTLAWThat’s not so, sir. We are your enemies.
SECOND OUTLAWPeace! We’ll hear him.
THIRD OUTLAWAy, by my beard, will we, for he is a proper man.
VALENTINEThen know that I have little wealth to lose.
A man I am crossed with adversity;
My riches are these poor habiliments,
Of which if you should here disfurnish me,
You take the sum and substance that I have.
SECOND OUTLAWWhither travel you?
VALENTINETo Verona.
FIRST OUTLAWWhence came you?
VALENTINEFrom Milan.
THIRD OUTLAWHave you long sojourned there?
VALENTINESome sixteen months, and longer might have stayed
If crooked fortune had not thwarted me.
FIRST OUTLAWWhat, were you banished thence?
VALENTINEI was.
SECOND OUTLAWFor what offence?
VALENTINEFor that which now torments me to rehearse;
I killed a man, whose death I much repent,
But yet I slew him manfully in fight,
Without false vantage or base treachery.
FIRST OUTLAWWhy, ne’er repent it, if it were done so.
But were you banished for so small a fault?
VALENTINEI was, and held me glad of such a doom.
SECOND OUTLAWHave you the tongues?
VALENTINEMy youthful travel therein made me happy,
Or else I often had been miserable.
THIRD OUTLAWBy the bare scalp of Robin Hood’s fat friar,
This fellow were a king for our wild faction.
FIRST OUTLAWWe’ll have him. Sirs, a word.
SPEEDMaster, be one of them. It’s an honourable kind of thievery.
VALENTINEPeace, villain.
SECOND OUTLAWTell us this: have you anything to take to?
VALENTINENothing but my fortune.
THIRD OUTLAWKnow then that some of us are gentlemen,
Such as the fury of ungoverned youth
Thrust from the company of awful men.
Myself was from Verona banished
For practising to steal away a lady,
An heir, and near allied unto the Duke.
SECOND OUTLAWAnd I from Mantua, for a gentleman
Who, in my mood, I stabbed unto the heart.
FIRST OUTLAWAnd I for suchlike petty crimes as these.
But to the purpose, for we cite our faults,
That they may hold excused our lawless lives;
And partly, seeing you are beautified
With goodly shape, and by your own report
A linguist, and a man of such perfection
As we do in our quality much want—
SECOND OUTLAWIndeed because you are a banished man,
Therefore, above the rest, we parley to you.
Are you content to be our general?
To make a virtue of necessity
And live as we do in this wilderness?
THIRD OUTLAWWhat sayst thou? Wilt thou be of our consort?
Say “Ay”, and be the captain of us all,
We’ll do thee homage and be ruled by thee,
Love thee as our commander and our king.
FIRST OUTLAWBut if thou scorn our courtesy, thou diest.
SECOND OUTLAWThou shalt not live to brag what we have offered.
VALENTINEI take your offer and will live with you,
Provided that you do no outrages
On silly women or poor passengers.
THIRD OUTLAWNo, we detest such vile base practices.
Come, go with us; we’ll bring thee to our crews
And show thee all the treasure we have got,
Which, with ourselves, all rest at thy dispose.
Exeunt.
Scene II
Enter Proteus.
PROTEUSAlready have I been false to Valentine,
And now I must be as unjust to Thurio.
Under the colour of commending him,
I have access my own love to prefer.
But Silvia is too fair, too true, too holy
To be corrupted with my worthless gifts.
When I protest true loyalty to her,
She twits me with my falsehood to my friend;
When to her beauty I commend my vows,
She bids me think how I have been forsworn
In breaking faith with Julia, whom I loved;
And notwithstanding all her sudden quips,
The least whereof would quell a lover’s hope,
Yet, spaniel-like, the more she spurns my love,
The more it grows and fawneth on her still.
But here comes Thurio. Now must we to her window,
And give some evening music to her ear.
Enter Thurio and Musicians.
THURIOHow now, Sir Proteus, are you crept before us?
PROTEUSAy, gentle Thurio, for you know that love
Will creep in service where it cannot go.
THURIOAy, but I hope, sir, that you love not here.
PROTEUSSir, but I do, or else I would be hence.
THURIOWho? Silvia?
PROTEUSAy, Silvia, for your sake.
THURIOI thank you for your own. Now, gentlemen,
Let’s tune, and to it lustily awhile.
Enter Host and Julia in boy’s clothes, as Sebastian.
HOSTNow, my young guest, methinks you’re allycholly. I pray you, why is it?
JULIAMarry, mine host, because I cannot be merry.
HOSTCome, we’ll have you merry. I’ll bring you where you shall hear music,
and see the gentleman that you asked for.
JULIABut shall I hear him speak?
HOSTAy, that you shall.
JULIAThat will be music.
HOSTHark, hark!
JULIAIs he among these?
HOSTAy; but peace, let’s hear ’em.
SONG
PROTEUSWho is Silvia? What is she,
That all our swains commend her?
Holy, fair, and wise is she;
The heaven such grace did lend her,
That she might admired be.
Is she kind as she is fair?
For beauty lives with kindness.
Love doth to her eyes repair,
To help him of his blindness;
And, being helped, inhabits there.
Then to Silvia let us sing,
That Silvia is excelling;
She excels each mortal thing
Upon the dull earth dwelling.
To her let us garlands bring.
HOSTHow now, are you sadder than you were before?
How do you, man? The music likes you not.
JULIAYou mistake; the musician likes me not.
HOSTWhy, my pretty youth?
JULIAHe plays false, father.
HOSTHow, out of tune on the strings?
JULIANot so; but yet so false that he grieves my very heart-strings.
HOSTYou have a quick ear.
JULIAAy, I would I were deaf; it makes me have a slow heart.
HOSTI perceive you delight not in music.
JULIANot a whit, when it jars so.
HOSTHark, what fine change is in the music!
JULIAAy, that change is the spite.
HOSTYou would have them always play but one thing?
JULIAI would always have one play but one thing.
But, host, doth this Sir Proteus, that we talk on,
Often resort unto this gentlewoman?
HOSTI tell you what Lance, his man, told me: he loved her out of all nick.
JULIAWhere is Lance?
HOSTGone to seek his dog, which tomorrow, by his master’s command, he must
carry for a present to his lady.
JULIAPeace, stand aside. The company parts.
PROTEUSSir Thurio, fear not you; I will so plead
That you shall say my cunning drift excels.
THURIOWhere meet we?
PROTEUSAt Saint Gregory’s well.
THURIOFarewell.
Exeunt Thurio and Musicians.
Enter Silvia above.
PROTEUSMadam, good even to your ladyship.
SILVIAI thank you for your music, gentlemen.
Who is that that spake?
PROTEUSOne, lady, if you knew his pure heart’s truth,
You would quickly learn to know him by his voice.
SILVIASir Proteus, as I take it.
PROTEUSSir Proteus, gentle lady, and your servant.
SILVIAWhat’s your will?
PROTEUSThat I may compass yours.
SILVIAYou have your wish. My will is even this,
That presently you hie you home to bed.
Thou subtle, perjured, false, disloyal man,
Think’st thou I am so shallow, so conceitless,
To be seduced by thy flattery,
That hast deceived so many with thy vows?
Return, return, and make thy love amends.
For me, by this pale queen of night I swear,
I am so far from granting thy request
That I despise thee for thy wrongful suit,
And by and by intend to chide myself
Even for this time I spend in talking to thee.
PROTEUSI grant, sweet love, that I did love a lady,
But she is dead.
JULIA[_Aside_.] ’Twere false, if I should speak it,
For I am sure she is not buried.
SILVIASay that she be; yet Valentine thy friend
Survives, to whom, thyself art witness,
I am betrothed. And art thou not ashamed
To wrong him with thy importunacy?
PROTEUSI likewise hear that Valentine is dead.
SILVIAAnd so suppose am I, for in his grave,
Assure thyself, my love is buried.
PROTEUSSweet lady, let me rake it from the earth.
SILVIAGo to thy lady’s grave and call hers thence,
Or, at the least, in hers sepulchre thine.
JULIA[_Aside_.] He heard not that.
PROTEUSMadam, if your heart be so obdurate,
Vouchsafe me yet your picture for my love,
The picture that is hanging in your chamber;
To that I’ll speak, to that I’ll sigh and weep;
For since the substance of your perfect self
Is else devoted, I am but a shadow;
And to your shadow will I make true love.
JULIA[_Aside_.] If ’twere a substance you would sure deceive it
And make it but a shadow, as I am.
SILVIAI am very loath to be your idol, sir;
But since your falsehood shall become you well
To worship shadows and adore false shapes,
Send to me in the morning, and I’ll send it.
And so, good rest.
Exit.
PROTEUSAs wretches have o’ernight
That wait for execution in the morn.
Exit.
JULIAHost, will you go?
HOSTBy my halidom, I was fast asleep.
JULIAPray you, where lies Sir Proteus?
HOSTMarry, at my house. Trust me, I think ’tis almost day.
JULIANot so; but it hath been the longest night
That e’er I watched, and the most heaviest.
Exeunt.
Scene III
Enter Eglamour.
EGLAMOURThis is the hour that Madam Silvia
Entreated me to call and know her mind;
There’s some great matter she’d employ me in.
Madam, madam!
Enter Silvia above.
SILVIAWho calls?
EGLAMOURYour servant and your friend;
One that attends your ladyship’s command.
SILVIASir Eglamour, a thousand times good morrow.
EGLAMOURAs many, worthy lady, to yourself.
According to your ladyship’s impose,
I am thus early come to know what service
It is your pleasure to command me in.
SILVIAO Eglamour, thou art a gentleman—
Think not I flatter, for I swear I do not—
Valiant, wise, remorseful, well accomplished.
Thou art not ignorant what dear good will
I bear unto the banished Valentine,
Nor how my father would enforce me marry
Vain Thurio, whom my very soul abhorred.
Thyself hast loved, and I have heard thee say
No grief did ever come so near thy heart
As when thy lady and thy true love died,
Upon whose grave thou vowed’st pure chastity.
Sir Eglamour, I would to Valentine,
To Mantua, where I hear he makes abode;
And for the ways are dangerous to pass,
I do desire thy worthy company,
Upon whose faith and honour I repose.
Urge not my father’s anger, Eglamour,
But think upon my grief, a lady’s grief,
And on the justice of my flying hence
To keep me from a most unholy match,
Which heaven and fortune still rewards with plagues.
I do desire thee, even from a heart
As full of sorrows as the sea of sands,
To bear me company and go with me;
If not, to hide what I have said to thee,
That I may venture to depart alone.
EGLAMOURMadam, I pity much your grievances,
Which, since I know they virtuously are placed,
I give consent to go along with you,
Recking as little what betideth me
As much I wish all good befortune you.
When will you go?
SILVIAThis evening coming.
EGLAMOURWhere shall I meet you?
SILVIAAt Friar Patrick’s cell,
Where I intend holy confession.
EGLAMOURI will not fail your ladyship. Good morrow, gentle lady.
SILVIAGood morrow, kind Sir Eglamour.
Exeunt.
Scene IV
Enter Lance with his dog Crab.
LANCEWhen a man’s servant shall play the cur with him, look you, it goes
hard: one that I brought up of a puppy; one that I saved from drowning
when three or four of his blind brothers and sisters went to it. I have
taught him even as one would say precisely, “Thus I would teach a dog.”
I was sent to deliver him as a present to Mistress Silvia from my
master; and I came no sooner into the dining-chamber but he steps me to
her trencher and steals her capon’s leg. O, ’tis a foul thing when a
cur cannot keep himself in all companies! I would have, as one should
say, one that takes upon him to be a dog indeed, to be, as it were, a
dog at all things. If I had not had more wit than he, to take a fault
upon me that he did, I think verily he had been hanged for’t; sure as I
live, he had suffered for’t. You shall judge. He thrusts me himself
into the company of three or four gentleman-like dogs under the Duke’s
table; he had not been there—bless the mark!—a pissing-while but all
the chamber smelt him. “Out with the dog!” says one; “What cur is
that?” says another; “Whip him out”, says the third; “Hang him up”,
says the Duke. I, having been acquainted with the smell before, knew it
was Crab, and goes me to the fellow that whips the dogs. “Friend,”
quoth I, “you mean to whip the dog?” “Ay, marry do I,” quoth he. “You do
him the more wrong,” quoth I. “’Twas I did the thing you wot of.” He
makes me no more ado but whips me out of the chamber. How many masters
would do this for his servant? Nay, I’ll be sworn I have sat in the
stock for puddings he hath stolen, otherwise he had been executed. I
have stood on the pillory for geese he hath killed, otherwise he had
suffered for’t. [_To Crab_.] Thou think’st not of this now. Nay, I
remember the trick you served me when I took my leave of Madam Silvia.
Did not I bid thee still mark me, and do as I do? When didst thou see
me heave up my leg and make water against a gentlewoman’s farthingale?
Didst thou ever see me do such a trick?
Enter Proteus and Julia disguised as Sebastian.
PROTEUSSebastian is thy name? I like thee well,
And will employ thee in some service presently.
JULIAIn what you please; I’ll do what I can.
PROTEUSI hope thou wilt. [_To Lance_.] How now, you whoreson peasant,
Where have you been these two days loitering?
LANCEMarry, sir, I carried Mistress Silvia the dog you bade me.
PROTEUSAnd what says she to my little jewel?
LANCEMarry, she says your dog was a cur, and tells you currish thanks is
good enough for such a present.
PROTEUSBut she received my dog?
LANCENo, indeed, did she not. Here have I brought him back again.
PROTEUSWhat, didst thou offer her this from me?
LANCEAy, sir, the other squirrel was stolen from me by the hangman’s boys in
the market-place, and then I offered her mine own, who is a dog as big
as ten of yours, and therefore the gift the greater.
PROTEUSGo, get thee hence, and find my dog again,
Or ne’er return again into my sight.
Away, I say. Stayest thou to vex me here?
A slave that still an end turns me to shame.
Exit Lance with Crab.
JULIAIt seems you loved not her, to leave her token.
She’s dead belike?
PROTEUSNot so; I think she lives.
JULIAAlas!
PROTEUSWhy dost thou cry “Alas”?
JULIAI cannot choose
But pity her.
PROTEUSWherefore shouldst thou pity her?
JULIABecause methinks that she loved you as well
As you do love your lady Silvia.
She dreams on him that has forgot her love;
You dote on her that cares not for your love.
’Tis pity love should be so contrary;
And thinking on it makes me cry “Alas.”
PROTEUSWell, give her that ring, and therewithal
This letter. That’s her chamber. Tell my lady
I claim the promise for her heavenly picture.
Your message done, hie home unto my chamber,
Where thou shalt find me sad and solitary.
Exit.
JULIAHow many women would do such a message?
Alas, poor Proteus, thou hast entertained
A fox to be the shepherd of thy lambs.
Alas, poor fool, why do I pity him
That with his very heart despiseth me?
Because he loves her, he despiseth me;
Because I love him, I must pity him.
This ring I gave him when he parted from me,
To bind him to remember my good will;
And now am I, unhappy messenger,
To plead for that which I would not obtain,
To carry that which I would have refused,
To praise his faith, which I would have dispraised.
I am my master’s true confirmed love,
But cannot be true servant to my master
Unless I prove false traitor to myself.
Yet will I woo for him, but yet so coldly
As, heaven it knows, I would not have him speed.
Enter Silvia attended.
SILVIAWhat would you with her, if that I be she?
JULIAIf you be she, I do entreat your patience
To hear me speak the message I am sent on.
SILVIAFrom whom?
JULIAFrom my master, Sir Proteus, madam.
SILVIAO, he sends you for a picture?
JULIAAy, madam.
SILVIAUrsula, bring my picture there.
Go, give your master this. Tell him from me,
One Julia, that his changing thoughts forget,
Would better fit his chamber than this shadow.
JULIAMadam, please you peruse this letter.
Pardon me, madam, I have unadvised
Delivered you a paper that I should not.
This is the letter to your ladyship.
SILVIAI pray thee, let me look on that again.
JULIAIt may not be. Good madam, pardon me.
SILVIAThere, hold.
I will not look upon your master’s lines.
I know they are stuffed with protestations
And full of new-found oaths, which he will break
As easily as I do tear his paper.
JULIAMadam, he sends your ladyship this ring.
SILVIAThe more shame for him that he sends it me;
For I have heard him say a thousand times
His Julia gave it him at his departure.
Though his false finger have profaned the ring,
Mine shall not do his Julia so much wrong.
JULIAShe thanks you.
SILVIAWhat sayst thou?
JULIAI thank you, madam, that you tender her.
Poor gentlewoman, my master wrongs her much.
SILVIADost thou know her?
JULIAAlmost as well as I do know myself.
To think upon her woes, I do protest
That I have wept a hundred several times.
SILVIABelike she thinks that Proteus hath forsook her?
JULIAI think she doth, and that’s her cause of sorrow.
SILVIAIs she not passing fair?
JULIAShe hath been fairer, madam, than she is.
When she did think my master loved her well,
She, in my judgement, was as fair as you.
But since she did neglect her looking-glass
And threw her sun-expelling mask away,
The air hath starved the roses in her cheeks
And pinched the lily-tincture of her face,
That now she is become as black as I.
SILVIAHow tall was she?
JULIAAbout my stature; for at Pentecost,
When all our pageants of delight were played,
Our youth got me to play the woman’s part,
And I was trimmed in Madam Julia’s gown,
Which served me as fit, by all men’s judgements,
As if the garment had been made for me;
Therefore I know she is about my height.
And at that time I made her weep agood,
For I did play a lamentable part.
Madam, ’twas Ariadne, passioning
For Theseus’ perjury and unjust flight,
Which I so lively acted with my tears
That my poor mistress, moved therewithal,
Wept bitterly; and would I might be dead
If I in thought felt not her very sorrow.
SILVIAShe is beholding to thee, gentle youth.
Alas, poor lady, desolate and left!
I weep myself to think upon thy words.
Here, youth, there is my purse. I give thee this
For thy sweet mistress’ sake, because thou lov’st her.
Farewell.
JULIAAnd she shall thank you for’t, if e’er you know her.
Exeunt Silvia and Attendants.
Exit.
Act V
Scene I
Enter Eglamour.
EGLAMOURThe sun begins to gild the western sky,
And now it is about the very hour
That Silvia at Friar Patrick’s cell should meet me.
She will not fail, for lovers break not hours,
Unless it be to come before their time,
So much they spur their expedition.
Enter Silvia.
SILVIAAmen, amen. Go on, good Eglamour,
Out at the postern by the abbey wall.
I fear I am attended by some spies.
EGLAMOURFear not. The forest is not three leagues off;
If we recover that, we are sure enough.
Exeunt.
Scene II
Enter Thurio, Proteus and Julia.
THURIOSir Proteus, what says Silvia to my suit?
PROTEUSO, sir, I find her milder than she was,
And yet she takes exceptions at your person.
THURIOWhat? That my leg is too long?
PROTEUSNo, that it is too little.
THURIOI’ll wear a boot to make it somewhat rounder.
JULIA[_Aside_.] But love will not be spurred to what it loathes.
THURIOWhat says she to my face?
PROTEUSShe says it is a fair one.
THURIONay, then, the wanton lies; my face is black.
PROTEUSBut pearls are fair; and the old saying is,
“Black men are pearls in beauteous ladies’ eyes.”
JULIA[_Aside_.] ’Tis true, such pearls as put out ladies’ eyes,
For I had rather wink than look on them.
THURIOHow likes she my discourse?
PROTEUSIll, when you talk of war.
THURIOBut well when I discourse of love and peace.
JULIA[_Aside_.] But better, indeed, when you hold your peace.
THURIOWhat says she to my valour?
PROTEUSO, sir, she makes no doubt of that.
JULIA[_Aside_.] She needs not, when she knows it cowardice.
THURIOWhat says she to my birth?
PROTEUSThat you are well derived.
JULIA[_Aside_.] True, from a gentleman to a fool.
THURIOConsiders she my possessions?
PROTEUSO, ay, and pities them.
THURIOWherefore?
JULIA[_Aside_.] That such an ass should owe them.
PROTEUSThat they are out by lease.
JULIAHere comes the Duke.
Enter Duke.
DUKEHow now, Sir Proteus! How now, Thurio!
Which of you saw Sir Eglamour of late?
THURIONot I.
PROTEUSNor I.
DUKESaw you my daughter?
PROTEUSNeither.
DUKEWhy then, she’s fled unto that peasant Valentine,
And Eglamour is in her company.
’Tis true, for Friar Lawrence met them both
As he in penance wandered through the forest;
Him he knew well, and guessed that it was she,
But, being masked, he was not sure of it.
Besides, she did intend confession
At Patrick’s cell this even, and there she was not.
These likelihoods confirm her flight from hence.
Therefore, I pray you, stand not to discourse,
But mount you presently and meet with me
Upon the rising of the mountain foot
That leads toward Mantua, whither they are fled.
Dispatch, sweet gentlemen, and follow me.
Exit.
THURIOWhy, this it is to be a peevish girl
That flies her fortune when it follows her.
I’ll after, more to be revenged on Eglamour
Than for the love of reckless Silvia.
Exit.
PROTEUSAnd I will follow, more for Silvia’s love
Than hate of Eglamour that goes with her.
Exit.
JULIAAnd I will follow, more to cross that love
Than hate for Silvia, that is gone for love.
Exit.
Scene III
Enter Silvia and Outlaws.
FIRST OUTLAWCome, come, be patient. We must bring you to our captain.
SILVIAA thousand more mischances than this one
Have learned me how to brook this patiently.
SECOND OUTLAWCome, bring her away.
FIRST OUTLAWWhere is the gentleman that was with her?
SECOND OUTLAWBeing nimble-footed, he hath outrun us.
But Moyses and Valerius follow him.
Go thou with her to the west end of the wood;
There is our captain. We’ll follow him that’s fled.
The thicket is beset; he cannot ’scape.
Exeunt Second and Third Outlaws.
FIRST OUTLAWCome, I must bring you to our captain’s cave.
Fear not; he bears an honourable mind
And will not use a woman lawlessly.
SILVIAO Valentine, this I endure for thee!
Exeunt.
Scene IV
Enter Valentine.
VALENTINEHow use doth breed a habit in a man!
This shadowy desert, unfrequented woods,
I better brook than flourishing peopled towns.
Here can I sit alone, unseen of any,
And to the nightingale’s complaining notes
Tune my distresses and record my woes.
O thou that dost inhabit in my breast,
Leave not the mansion so long tenantless,
Lest, growing ruinous, the building fall
And leave no memory of what it was.
Repair me with thy presence, Silvia;
Thou gentle nymph, cherish thy forlorn swain.
What hallowing and what stir is this today?
These are my mates, that make their wills their law,
Have some unhappy passenger in chase.
They love me well; yet I have much to do
To keep them from uncivil outrages.
Withdraw thee, Valentine. Who’s this comes here?
Enter Proteus, Silvia and Julia as Sebastian.
PROTEUSMadam, this service I have done for you—
Though you respect not aught your servant doth—
To hazard life, and rescue you from him
That would have forced your honour and your love.
Vouchsafe me for my meed but one fair look;
A smaller boon than this I cannot beg,
And less than this, I am sure, you cannot give.
VALENTINE[_Aside_.] How like a dream is this I see and hear!
Love, lend me patience to forbear awhile.
SILVIAO miserable, unhappy that I am!
PROTEUSUnhappy were you, madam, ere I came;
But by my coming I have made you happy.
SILVIABy thy approach thou mak’st me most unhappy.
JULIA[_Aside_.] And me, when he approacheth to your presence.
SILVIAHad I been seized by a hungry lion,
I would have been a breakfast to the beast
Rather than have false Proteus rescue me.
O heaven, be judge how I love Valentine,
Whose life’s as tender to me as my soul!
And full as much, for more there cannot be,
I do detest false perjured Proteus.
Therefore be gone, solicit me no more.
PROTEUSWhat dangerous action, stood it next to death,
Would I not undergo for one calm look!
O, ’tis the curse in love, and still approved,
When women cannot love where they’re beloved.
SILVIAWhen Proteus cannot love where he’s beloved.
Read over Julia’s heart, thy first best love,
For whose dear sake thou didst then rend thy faith
Into a thousand oaths; and all those oaths
Descended into perjury to love me.
Thou hast no faith left now, unless thou’dst two,
And that’s far worse than none; better have none
Than plural faith, which is too much by one.
Thou counterfeit to thy true friend!
PROTEUSIn love
Who respects friend?
SILVIAAll men but Proteus.
PROTEUSNay, if the gentle spirit of moving words
Can no way change you to a milder form,
I’ll woo you like a soldier, at arms’ end,
And love you ’gainst the nature of love—force ye.
SILVIAO heaven!
PROTEUSI’ll force thee yield to my desire.
VALENTINE[_Comes forward_.] Ruffian, let go that rude uncivil touch,
Thou friend of an ill fashion!
PROTEUSValentine!
VALENTINEThou common friend, that’s without faith or love,
For such is a friend now. Treacherous man,
Thou hast beguiled my hopes; nought but mine eye
Could have persuaded me. Now I dare not say
I have one friend alive; thou wouldst disprove me.
Who should be trusted, when one’s right hand
Is perjured to the bosom? Proteus,
I am sorry I must never trust thee more,
But count the world a stranger for thy sake.
The private wound is deepest. O time most accurst,
’Mongst all foes that a friend should be the worst!
PROTEUSMy shame and guilt confounds me.
Forgive me, Valentine; if hearty sorrow
Be a sufficient ransom for offence,
I tender ’t here. I do as truly suffer
As e’er I did commit.
VALENTINEThen I am paid,
And once again I do receive thee honest.
Who by repentance is not satisfied
Is nor of heaven nor earth, for these are pleased;
By penitence th’ Eternal’s wrath’s appeased.
And that my love may appear plain and free,
All that was mine in Silvia I give thee.
JULIAO me unhappy!
PROTEUSLook to the boy.
VALENTINEWhy, boy!
Why, wag! How now? What’s the matter? Look up; speak.
JULIAO good sir, my master charged me to deliver a ring to Madam Silvia,
which out of my neglect was never done.
PROTEUSWhere is that ring, boy?
JULIAHere ’tis; this is it.
PROTEUSHow, let me see.
Why, this is the ring I gave to Julia.
JULIAO, cry you mercy, sir, I have mistook.
This is the ring you sent to Silvia.
PROTEUSBut how cam’st thou by this ring? At my depart
I gave this unto Julia.
JULIAAnd Julia herself did give it me,
And Julia herself have brought it hither.
PROTEUSHow? Julia?
JULIABehold her that gave aim to all thy oaths
And entertained ’em deeply in her heart.
How oft hast thou with perjury cleft the root!
O Proteus, let this habit make thee blush.
Be thou ashamed that I have took upon me
Such an immodest raiment, if shame live
In a disguise of love.
It is the lesser blot, modesty finds,
Women to change their shapes than men their minds.
PROTEUSThan men their minds! ’Tis true. O heaven, were man
But constant, he were perfect. That one error
Fills him with faults, makes him run through all th’ sins;
Inconstancy falls off ere it begins.
What is in Silvia’s face but I may spy
More fresh in Julia’s with a constant eye?
VALENTINECome, come, a hand from either.
Let me be blest to make this happy close.
’Twere pity two such friends should be long foes.
PROTEUSBear witness, heaven, I have my wish for ever.
JULIAAnd I mine.
Enter Outlaws with Duke and Thurio.
OUTLAWSA prize, a prize, a prize!
VALENTINEForbear, forbear, I say! It is my lord the Duke.
Your Grace is welcome to a man disgraced,
Banished Valentine.
DUKESir Valentine!
THURIOYonder is Silvia, and Silvia’s mine.
VALENTINEThurio, give back, or else embrace thy death;
Come not within the measure of my wrath.
Do not name Silvia thine; if once again,
Verona shall not hold thee. Here she stands;
Take but possession of her with a touch—
I dare thee but to breathe upon my love.
THURIOSir Valentine, I care not for her, I.
I hold him but a fool that will endanger
His body for a girl that loves him not.
I claim her not, and therefore she is thine.
DUKEThe more degenerate and base art thou
To make such means for her as thou hast done,
And leave her on such slight conditions.—
Now, by the honour of my ancestry,
I do applaud thy spirit, Valentine,
And think thee worthy of an empress’ love.
Know then, I here forget all former griefs,
Cancel all grudge, repeal thee home again,
Plead a new state in thy unrivalled merit,
To which I thus subscribe: Sir Valentine,
Thou art a gentleman, and well derived;
Take thou thy Silvia, for thou hast deserved her.
VALENTINEI thank your Grace; the gift hath made me happy.
I now beseech you, for your daughter’s sake,
To grant one boon that I shall ask of you.
DUKEI grant it for thine own, whate’er it be.
VALENTINEThese banished men, that I have kept withal,
Are men endued with worthy qualities.
Forgive them what they have committed here,
And let them be recalled from their exile.
They are reformed, civil, full of good,
And fit for great employment, worthy lord.
DUKEThou hast prevailed; I pardon them and thee.
Dispose of them as thou know’st their deserts.
Come, let us go; we will include all jars
With triumphs, mirth, and rare solemnity.
VALENTINEAnd as we walk along, I dare be bold
With our discourse to make your Grace to smile.
What think you of this page, my lord?
DUKEI think the boy hath grace in him; he blushes.
VALENTINEI warrant you, my lord, more grace than boy.
DUKEWhat mean you by that saying?
VALENTINEPlease you, I’ll tell you as we pass along,
That you will wonder what hath fortuned.
Come, Proteus, ’tis your penance but to hear
The story of your loves discovered.
That done, our day of marriage shall be yours,
One feast, one house, one mutual happiness.
Exeunt.